Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
Recently, I was reading a story of a sweet little girl who married to the choice of her heart. She personally post about it in her FB and she was obviously very happy with that. What happened is recently, the girl went and see her lecturer, she hugged her and cried a lot. To cut the long story short, the reason she was crying is that she said she wants to divorce with her husband because he is not the same as he was before marriage. Just pay the attention to the last part that "he is not the same as he was before".
Yesterday, I was walking in Giant with some of my friends and what really attracted my eyes and ears was an old aunt was talking to a young couple about marriage life. I stood for a while and listen carefully as I know they surely think I do not understand their conversation. After a while, I left with a smile and that what put me to write a little in this post.
Let me ask you a question. Whenever you go to shopping mall, how long do you take to choose a piece of clothe? Answer it honestly. Probably more than an hour and sometimes we do not find what we want. So, if choosing a piece of clothe taking that long time, how about marriage which is a life time matter? Probably, we can go CARAZY if we think continuously.
Marriage isn't a trial. Marriage isn't a day life but it is the ties of two hearts becoming one, promising to be together in every situation and will love each other for the rest of life. Most of us pray and request to have the same partner in Paradise (May Allah grant us) as loving our partner in this world isn't enough. Am I right?
Love? Most of us will say that "love is blind" but I say it's a gift from Allah. However, it can blind you if you do not know how to deal with it. I bet that during love time even the fart of our partner will smell as fragrance musk. I'm not kidding but to believe it, ask yourself. During love, I also bet that they promise to each other that "I accept the way you are" but what happened when both live together? Why we can't accept he or she as they way he or she is after marriage? Think about it. (^_^)
Below are the few things that I found could be reason of "the dead" relationship which nobody wish for and may Allah protect all of us from it. And for those who have been through it, may Allah give you the patience. Aamiin. (^_^)
1.0 TOO MUCH EXPECTATION
I was watching Rab Ne Bana De Jodi and in one part they hero asked the heroine that "what exactly a woman wants?" She answered that "to be loved as she never been loved before". Here, we are human, not robots where our feelings will remain the same for the rest of time and life. There are ups and downs of life we have to face. There are problems, stresses that we have to deal with. So, we shouldn't expect that much and accept what our partner can give us. Once we put a high hopes and we didn't get it, for sure we will be down and the EVIL will start whispering in our ears and we will start suspect our partner. From this point where the "cracks" are started to happen.
Few years ago, one of my married cousin came to me and asked me a personal question. She said that "I feel my husband has changed a lot. He is not they way he was before. He doesn't love me like before". I simply said to her "dear sister, never let these kind of thoughts poison your mind. He for sure loves you but we do not know what is happening in his little head. Put your trust in him that he loves you and will always loving you." I'm not proud to say that recently I talked to her and she said "you were right and thank you for advising me at that time. I'm having a happy life with him". I simply gave her a sincere smile and said to her "Always pray to Allah and May He protect your family from the evil eyes".
In other words, accept with smile and gratefulness what your partner can give and try to avoid putting high expectation so that you will never down once you did not get what you were expecting. This is for both male and female. Accept each other as they are and work together to have a better and happy life. Never try to point out each others weaknesses or mistakes and always try to complete the incomplete part in your partner. And that's what marriage for.
2.0 THEORY vs PRACTICAL
This is another thing that we all surely fail to do or very nervous. Some of us, are dumb in theory but expert in practical and some of us vice versa. What we said before marriage, the promises, the wishes, the dreams are not easy to be put into the reality. I believe this exist in relationship before marriage such as "I'll bring the stars down to you, I will cross the river of fire for you" and so on. I bet if your partner asked it, you will just go colon capital D or colon capital O. What I mean here is do not promise something that you know you will not be able to do it. Say what you are sure to do and do it. Expressing the love is not through romantics messages but it is expressed through your efforts, and action when you are really in the field of it. So get ready for it.
3.0 OWN MEASURE OF BODY SHIRT
I'm sorry to point this to the female side but mostly, this happened among them as the lust to have what others have but not realizing our own condition, husbands salary and the important thing is how to manage saving from the husband's salary for the emergency use. I have wrote before that a good wife will always find a way on how to save some amount of money and use what she has sufficiently and carefully. Buy what is important only and not follow the whisper of lust. I really love to watch the advertisement during Hari Raya when the neighbor bought new sofa, the other neighbor;s wife feels she should have one also but she forgot that what she has is sufficient from the beginning of month till the end of month. Which one is important to you as a wife (i) the happiness of family or (ii) the suffers of husband but the house full of furniture's and new equipment's which the husband has debt around the waist? The choice is in your hand.
4.0 ACCEPTANCE
As I mentioned before, we are human, our feelings will change due to certain reasons. We will surely face ups and downs in life. We will have to deal with problems and stresses. If you realize your husband has hidden something form you, sit with him and talk with him slowly to understand why he is so silent. If your wife is sad, take her somewhere, have a little time together and share feelings. This is not an advice but sharing that wife mostly likes to share what she had gone through in the day and any problem she faced, she doesn't want you to give solutions. What she wants is only you to listen. So for the future husbands, the current husband, make sure you know this and Allah has given you two ears but make them equivalent to 10 ears. Keep your chest large and be patient with her all the time.
Accept each other as the way they are and never point out the mistakes or weaknesses. Do not hope to have a perfect one but try to complete and protect the imperfect part. Never let he or she to feel that you are trying to point out the mistakes. Bare in mind that everyone has own attitudes and egos. Take the example of our beloved Prophet's life, His daughter Fatimah Az Zahra with Ali. They have nothing but the heart full of love.
As a conclusion, once you have decided to build a family with your soul mate, make sure that your non stop DOA to Allah asking the blessings and protections form all kind of evils. Learn to forgive and accept, practice a cool life style, help each other, erogenous in giving smiles and most important loving each other to be together in His Paradise. When a husband love his wife, the evil will burn and they will get blessings from Allah. He never promised life will be easy but He promised to be with you in every steps of your life. Remember Him every second and never stop praying.
May Allah fulfill all our dreams and wishes. Have a blissful life.
Thanks for reading it. Hope it will be beneficial to all of us.
Sincerely,
Janeman
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